Easter, Part Deux - John 20:19-31 (Thomas)
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Thomas had been one of ‘the twelve’ who, from the beginning, travelled with Jesus. Who saw the amazing things that Jesus did. He had learned and puzzled over the parables, and been frustrated by the response of people who didn't get it and didn't believe. Thomas had shown faith in Jesus all the way through.
He had left behind whatever his life had been before and made Jesus his life now. He kept on walking on that path. When Jesus told them, before He raised Lazarus from the dead, that they were going to a place where the disciples knew there would be danger for them—physical, actual threat—Thomas said,
Let us also go, so that we may die with Him. John 11:16Later on at the Last Supper, when Jesus told them that He was leaving, Thomas is the one who said,
Lord, we do not know where You are going, so how can we know the way? John 14:5
In other words, ‘Tell us where you're going so we can come, too.’
Thomas followed Jesus. He believed in Jesus. He had made Jesus his life. He had put his faith in Jesus.
But now Jesus was dead.
On the Friday that we call Good Friday, the day when Jesus was killed, all but one of the 12 apostles ran away. They scattered to the streets of Jerusalem to lose themselves in the crowd. They weren't from Jerusalem. None of them had a house there. There was no safe place for them except for that room: the place that Jesus had chosen for their final meal. Probably, for lack of any other option, they would have found their way back there and gathered together.
Then on the Sabbath day of rest when work was not permitted, and when travel was not permitted so they couldn't leave the city, they stayed together, no doubt in that same place. I wonder what the atmosphere was like in that room. It must have been thick with questions and grief and blame.
Then early on Sunday morning, Cleopas and Mary set out from the city to go home to Emmaus. On Sunday morning the women went to the tomb to do their work.
Thomas was out somewhere, too. We don't know where he was, but he wasn't in the room. Maybe buying food. Maybe trying to gather information about whether it was safe for the rest of them to come out of hiding. Whether it would be possible for them to leave the city for somewhere safer. Maybe Thomas just needed time to grieve alone. I think this would be me: stomping through the streets, working out his anger at himself for being faith-less. His anger at himself for not following when Jesus really needed him. We don't know where he was that evening, but we do know that he missed that moment.
Jesus walked through the wall and said,
“Peace to you!” He said to them. After He had said this, He showed them His hands and His side. The disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. John 20:19-20
Finally, too late in that day, Thomas climbed back up those steps. Maybe he could hear the voices coming from the room a lot louder than they had been in the morning. He would have walked in the door and been met with, “Thomas, where have you been? You missed it! He was here. We have seen... We have all seen the lord! We have touched the wounds in his hand. We have touched the wound in his side. He is alive!”
And there's poor Thomas. I think that maybe, in that moment, he must have thought, “But what about me? I haven't seen. I haven't touched. How can I believe?”
The next week of Thomas' life must have been really, really long. A long, lonely week of coming and going from that room, in and out from the city and back again into his community. Among the people who believed. People who had touched and heard Jesus’ voice. A week of being alone in his hunger, surrounded by people who were filled. A week of second-guessing himself, seeing the smiles on everybody else's face and the hope that was suddenly in their demeanor. People who were waiting to see what Jesus was going to do next, because we know he's alive! He's been here! We've seen him!
Everybody except Thomas.
Thomas had his own kind of integrity, and he held on to that doubt: “You have seen. You have touched. I have not. I cannot yet believe.” He held on to his doubt in the same way that, throughout Jesus’ life, he had held on to his faith. He wanted. He waited. And I think he must have been wondering, "What about me?”
Until finally, finally, that next Sunday evening one week later—a week after Jesus was resurrected from the dead—Jesus did it again. He walked through the wall, and said,
Peace to you! John 20:26
Thomas heard. Touched. Saw. Believed.
______
John writes near the end of his gospel:
Jesus performed many other signs in the presence of His disciples, which are not written in this book. But these are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in His name. John 20:30-31Why did John write down all of these events and these teachings? So that we might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God.
You see, the thing about the story of Thomas—of Thomas' encounter with the risen Christ—the story of Thomas is not about Thomas at all.
The story of Thomas' encounter with Christ is about Jesus. This story is about what it looks like when we, with our doubts, with our weaknesses, and sometimes with our stubbornness meet the risen Christ.
This story is about the good shepherd who lay down His life and who came that first Sunday morning to pull together His flock.
This story is about the good shepherd who came back later to find the one who was becoming lost. The one who needed extra time, extra presence, extra care to find his way back in to the flock.
It's about the good shepherd who came to look for the lost one who was in the room, surrounded by people who cared for him, with whom he’d shared this experience and this life with Jesus. But who, in his heart of hearts, was struggling to understand, “Why am I still here?”
I think during that week, Thomas must have constantly had one eye on the door.
Thomas was the lost one who needed to be challenged to step up and step closer, to look, to recognize, to reach out, and to touch Jesus’ hands.
Jesus wasn't afraid of Thomas' doubt. Jesus didn't even criticize Thomas for his doubt. He simply and lovingly calls him out of it.
Jesus was not offended by Thomas' doubt. ‘How dare you? How dare you doubt me?’
Jesus was not surprised by Thomas' doubt. ‘Boy, of everybody that's in this room, Thomas, I really would have thought you would have got it. You really let me down.’
Jesus was not afraid of Thomas' doubt. Because after all this time of Thomas following Jesus, this time Jesus followed Thomas. Jesus followed him into his doubt. Jesus followed him into his confusion. Jesus followed Thomas, His lost sheep, to the edge of the cliff. Followed him in the dark, and brought him back into the light.
This is the story of the good shepherd doing what a good shepherd does. Reaching out for the one who is lost.
So when I look at the faces in this picture, I remember that one of those faces is Thomas. He is one of those men, smiling and leaning at the on the table, relaxed and enjoying the company of Jesus and his brothers. One of those guys, bathed in the warmth and the hubbub, sharing the tradition, being enriched by the ritual of the Passover meal. Hearing that story again of faith fulfilled, and faith emboldened. One of those guys is Thomas, with the hem of his robe still damp from having his feet washed by Jesus. But at the same time knowing something wasn't quite right. Something was coming. They didn't know what, and they didn't understand.
But they did know that they believed in this man. They believed in Jesus. And Thomas believed in his brothers around the table. And they believed in him.
And in that same room, after a week of wandering, a week of confusion, a week of doubt, a week of questions, a week of loneliness and pain... a week later, in that room, surrounded by those same people, Thomas came face to face with Jesus again, and Thomas came home.
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