RETREAT!
One of the most frequent prayers I pray is this:
Holy Spirit, come.
It's also probably the scariest. Because what if He doesn't?
Or what if He does?
In my church tradition, we understand Holy Spirit to be one of the three distinct living 'persons' who make up the one living God. Holy Spirit is the aspect of God who lives within believers, binds us to each other, and does the 'hands-on' work of making us grow.
There are days when not feeling His presence is exhausting. There are days when encountering Him face to face can leave me overwhelmed, and not always in a warm and fuzzy way.
He shows up in different ways on different days. For example, last week.
It's been a few years since I've had a 'retreat' day (a time to step away from work just to spend time praying, reading, thinking... praying. Retreats can be a few hours or several days; guided or silent; solo or group).
Last week began with a 3 day Pastors' retreat, held in a hotel and conference centre. It was organised and led by CBOQ for our Pastors and their spouses (I estimate around 120). I knew it would be a bit demanding, and I walked in praying, "Holy Spirit, come."
The time was divided between learning sessions, small group exercises, opportunities for one-to-one coaching sessions, and some unscripted time for everyone to rest in whatever way they wanted. Walk the conservation area, visit the beach, go for coffee, nap, use the pool or the sauna.
I'm an introvert so events like this aren't my best way to rest. There are so many people to catch up with, and new conversations to start. Small group clusters are a bit daunting, TBH. It's a particular kind of work.
So how did Holy Spirit show up in all of that?
- He showed up in the space between myself and my 'coach.' As we strolled the neighbourhood and talked about church and life, we encountered a situation - a young man who had just got bad news at the courthouse, and his mother who he was loudly and angrily blaming. I won't go into details, but my coach and I instinctively moved toward them, came alongside, walked with them back to their car. Shepherding. Holy Spirit showed up.
- He showed up (despite my effort to avoid Him) in the final small-group exercise of the retreat. I was getting a bit burned out, and sidled off to the back of the room where I thought nobody would come to find me. I watched as groups formed around tables, and I thought I'd dodged this one. But someone came to find me. And I sighed on the inside. Smiled on the outside. As the other person and I began to talk about how we would pray for each other, we found something in common that I had no idea they were experiencing. That they had no idea I had experienced years past. A struggle, a worry, a pain. We prayed for each other in a common tongue. Holy Spirit showed up.
When that event ended, I drove the short trip to my church just in time to catch the end of a Nominations Committee meeting, to prepare for that evening's all-gen gaming night, and to be there for our kitchen's first inspection by the local Health Unit.
Busy week so far.
The next morning I got in my car and headed north of town to Ganaraska Woods, a retreat space owned by one of the other CBOQ churches. Going solo.
Driving the county roads and concessions, there were no vehicles behind me. At all. I drove 40-60 kph in mostly 80 kph zones, casting my eye out to see the changing colours on the hills, and listening to a Mozart Requiem.
I parked, grabbed my folding chair, my thermos, my lunch, my Bible, and the article I'd brought to read. I walked into the trees, praying "Holy Spirit, come."
I set my stuff in a spot beside a pond, then went for a long walk. Don't think 'zen' spiritual retreat space. Think the 100-Acre Wood, after a blustery autumn day.
The paths through the wood are marked, but not groomed. The ground underfoot is cushioned by season upon season of White Pine needles, small branches, and in a few places, Maple leaves. The ponds are shallow and filled with plants.
There is one place where a bridge stands over what looks like dry ground... and I learned why. Sometimes a short-cut isn't a short-cut.
I found where one path ended, and another looped around. I found a big striped feather.
Over the course of the next few hours, my prayer was answered.
- In the writings of Alan Hirsch: "Metanoia describes the permanent posture of the disciple, the ongoing movement of a whole life being turned, again and again, toward the One who calls it." (alanhirsch.com; Learn, Unlearn, Relearn) Holy Spirit showed up.
- In the words of Psalm 100: "Serve the LORD with gladness; come into His presence with joyful songs. Know that the LORD is God. It is He who made us, and we are His; we are His people, and the sheep of His pasture." Holy Spirit showed up.
- In not saying a word, or seeing another human, for those 4.5 hours. Holy Spirit showed up.
I know for some of my extrovert friends, the first of the two retreats was just what they needed. For me, as wonderful as that was, the second of the two was nourishing in a way that I needed.
______
Very often, at Christian retreats and conferences, we pull out passages like Isaiah 30 v15
The NIV translates it:
This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength..."
The NET brings out a different nuance:
For this is what the master, the LORD, the Holy One of Israel says: "If you repented and patiently waited for me, you would be delivered; if you calmly trusted in me you would find strength..."
When this verse gets used to market events, it's usually with that ellipsis. With that "..."
The rest of the verse tends not to find its way onto mugs and bookmarks and brochures.
"...but you would have none of it." (NIV)
"...but you are unwilling." (NET)
Burn.
That three letter word - but - is huge.
I know that as a Pastor, I have the luxury of occasionally taking time away. Of retreating.
And I know that for most of the people in my church, it's not an option. They have work, school, kids, aging parents, volunteer commitments. Carving a day or three (and having someone pay for it) isn't an option.
The challenge for all of us is to find out how to rest in God. How to trust in God. How to return.
The challenge is to learn how to pray, "Holy Spirit, come."
Come and show me. Come and tell me. Come and feed me. Come and humble me. Come and make me smarten up. Come and change me to be more like Jesus.
That prayer can be a three-word retreat. A place we turn for rest, for strength, for a quieting of our spirits.
Last week was weird. Spending time away.
But I brought home souvenirs: things to consider that were spoken by wise people. Memories of unanticipated grace. The right kind of noise and the right kind of quiet.
I'm grateful for both retreats. I've returned from both having been fed.
Turning back to every day life praying, "Holy Spirit, come."
Comments
Post a Comment